Not all plankton wander for life. Some of us grow up, get sessile or rove a home cove. Right now the quarantine feels like a tight hug. So far I have been able to relax somewhat into the reduced circumstance, as there’s no where I’d rather be. There are many, many stressors right now, but I feel grateful to at least not be straining against the travel restriction.

I started this blog in the summer of 2013, when I was making the transition from land to water, coming undone and floating away. It has been awhile because these past months have been consumed by thoughts of return, rooting and rebuilding. On land. Not so planktonic.

I left the boat in October, left Panama, started a new plan. Since then I have been in Florida, Georgia, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts and New York. I spent a week in a Buddhist temple, I participated in a 5-week writing workshop, raked leaves, and shoveled snow. I am seeking out friends and family for conversations, meeting the whole entire children that have been created since the last time we met. Catching up but also remembering who I am in their reflection.

Temple offerings, Kadampa.

Something happened out there on the boat where I lost myself, somehow ran out of me. It is hard to nail down what thats like with a tidy anecdote, I know it is still unfolding.

Neighborhood Print Shop, Braddock PA.

Right now I am in New York City, walking around, researching, writing, archiving, and working. In the next season, I will start on some new path which is still emerging. From the outside looking in, I should probably be freaking out, worried, stressed. But I am somehow feeling very calm, moving slowly but moving forward. I am held and cared for by friends and family – even getting a bit fat.

Wonton Soup.

One thought, a radical outcome from my time on the boat, my one message to you, dear reader, is to consider needing much LESS. When your needs are simple, they can be more simply met. Having your needs met offers freedom from fear. Imagine a version of your life with no fear.

Shell collection, NYC.

Like anyone, I have moments of late night rumination, I go on social media and immediately feel sick with envy. But for some reason – I wish I could see it more clearly, and maybe in time I will – for today, the sense of nourishment and gratitude is just MORE.

Documenting art collection, NYC.

Right now F is out on the boat alone with Beta the cat.  I am watching his dot, and getting to know the experience my parents have had, waiting for news, watching the weather. Shore team.

I am taking a beat and looking back on my time as a planktoneer. I have savored these posts, working on them, sharing them, and returning every once and awhile to remember. But after five years adrift, I am taking root…or becoming sessile? Like a barnacle?

For my birthday this year, I spent two weeks traveling with my parents on their first trip to Central America, went on a site visit to repair a septic system for a US-built former radio tower in the jungle, tagged along with a visiting friend to a phenomenal tropical-design home in the mountains, got repeatedly lost in the confounding elevators of the building formerly known as Trump Ocean Club, checked in with the Panama chapter of the #PrattMafia, did a self-directed windshield tour of the Areas Revertidas, bumped into a friend I had not seen in six years while hiking up a trail alone, touched up the paint on the boat, received (affordable) medical care for a parasite that had taken up residence in my foot, sent out my first Spanish-language CV, spent a day on Barro Colorado Island, jammed to Panamanian band playing Nirvana covers, went on a dinghy ride with the cat and heard kids calling out his name from the pueblo, got Rolfed, hung around the Smithsonian cafeteria eating soup like a spy scientist (a spyientist), dropped and did pushups any time I felt insecure, and had a deep conversation about the biblical precedent for ecological conservation at a private home in the neighborhood of Diablo. My husband went and did his own damn thing during this time (one month) which was the best birthday gift of all – the time and space I needed to do all this, which I did not know how badly I needed to do, but man did I ever.

I have never been married before, and I am fully grown. Sometimes I think I am already too set in my ways to successfully integrate my life with this whole entire other person’s life. But then our friends and family (in my opinion the whole point of a wedding at all is to send out the call to everyone that you need their help with this thing going forward, in perpetuity) are generous enough to remind us that what we are doing (self-exile in a plastic bottle) is extreme. So relax already.

It’s wonderful to feel the wheel turn one more click. A happy birthday!